My Name is Fearful with a Reason

- Submitted by Anonymous


October 2022

Jessica Bensch
Jessica Bensch

My department head requested performance feedback on my manager - Mr B - through WorkDay. I spent more than ½ day formulating my thoughts and drafting the words for WorkDay. I wanted my thoughts to come across and be as constructive as possible.

As the WorkDay form was visible to Mr. B I later received a short mail from him, ‘Thank you for your feedback’ he wrote.

At that point I started to feel uneasy. It felt as if I had done something wrong by sharing my views. My unease grew into fear because it has always been difficult for me to read Mr. B. I have experienced him in very contradictory situations.

A few examples - He has mocked the Leadership Circle Profile over a coffee - saying that it’s the latest flavour in my company. But with his peers or on more public exchanges at meetings, he talks about the need in our organisation for more creative leadership. He also prides himself on caring about being a good leader but at the same time he freely admits that he does not know the Leadership Commitments - they are not enforced, there are too many of them anyway, he says. And the Values…? They are just fluffy words that do not help to make decisions.

You see, I do have the impression that he is upset about my words.

The first negative effects have started to materialize… I had a poor end-of-year review and the views he voiced seem more based on a negative bias of me than on any facts - irrespective of the positive feedback from my customers and peers. I am not sure how this will affect my final performance rating, my bonus and my future in this team. I thought that my words would help him grow but now I find myself now in a sea of fear. And this is impacting my personal life too.

I don’t know what to do.