If You Never Go First, Don’t Expect Others to Follow

If you´re asking - Why doesn’t my team speak up?

Simple answer: because they’ve never seen you do it first.

You don’t earn openness by asking for it. You earn it by demonstrating it.

Silence on your team isn’t a mystery. It’s a mirror.

 People Are Watching What You Avoid 

You share KPIs. You report milestones. You circulate polished updates.

But you never speak to:

• Where the tension actually sits

• What’s keeping you up at night

• The places where you don’t have the answers yet

  
  

And your team learns fast:

“This is not a space for uncertainty.”

So they keep their hard questions to themselves. They keep their half-formed ideas on mute. They keep their real concerns off the record.

Not because they’re disengaged, but because you’ve never shown them what engaged honesty actually looks like from the top.

 Want Honesty? Model It First.

Forget vulnerability as a buzzword.

Try this instead:

• Name one place where you’re stuck

• Share the pressure you’re under - without dramatizing it

• Talk about a mistake you made, and what changed after

  
  

And then stop talking.

Let the room breathe. Let the team respond. Watch what opens up.

Because the second you stop performing, the real culture starts.

 Performative Openness Kills Real Safety

Don’t say “We want open dialogue” and then:

• Run out of time for feedback

• Redirect hard questions

• Stay surface-level when things get uncomfortable

  
  

Your team sees through it.

They know when a workshop is for show.

They know when a “safe space” is just another calendar event.

You’re not fooling anyone. And you’re certainly not building trust.

 Here's What Builds It Instead

Start where it actually counts.

At the top. With you.

Use this sequence:

1. State the pressure. Be direct. No jargon.

2. Ask for experience, not opinions. Try: “What’s one part of your job that feels blocked right now?”

3. Acknowledge what’s shared. Don’t pivot. Stay in the discomfort.

4. Name one action you’ll take from what you heard. Be visible. Be fast.

5. Follow up. Not next quarter - this week.

   
   

It’s not complicated. It’s just rare.

 Most Leaders Are Waiting for Safety Too

Here’s the irony: even senior leaders are waiting for someone else to make the first move.

But teams don’t need more secondhand courage. They need a firsthand example.

You go first.

You name what’s hard.

You normalize the messiness.

And then they’ll follow - not because they were told to, but because they saw what real leadership looks like.

 Final Word

If your culture feels quiet, it’s not because your people have nothing to say.

It’s because the conditions don’t support them saying it.

That starts with how you show up.

You don’t build safety with slogans. You build it with truth.

Shared out loud. In real time. With no script.

Want your team to be brave?

Be first.