Have you ever had a boss refer to you as a 'friend', or who talked about the company as 'one big family'?
It isn’t true and saying the words ´´family at work´´ doesn’t make it so.
There are dangers in adopting this kind of mindset, as seeing the people around you at work as more than colleagues or bosses.
Naming ´´family at work´´ Doesn’t Make it so
When I had a boss who called me 'friend', I understood what he was trying to do. I understood he was trying to create a relaxed working relationship between us. He wanted me to think he saw past titles and that we were more equal (from a hierarchical sense) than we were.
I know I have felt that way when I have been in leadership roles. I have wanted people to feel they could come to me if they needed anything but there is something about saying it out loud that makes it dangerous somehow.
It’s like when hotels advertise that they have clean rooms. My first thought is, wow, why do they need to say that? When someone says titles don’t mean anything, unless their actions demonstrate that, titles probably mean way more than they are admitting.
If someone treats me as a friend, that is one thing. Someone in leadership referring to me as 'a friend'… that is altogether different.
The Risk
Calling someone 'a friend' at work carries an implication of support, even favoritism that doesn’t belong in the workplace. Not only is it risky to the executive involved, it is risky to the employee who believes it to be so.
How does a manager conduct a performance review on a ‘friend’ and have it be impactful? How does an employee carry through on a decision a ‘friend’ made when they don’t agree but may not see the bigger picture?
When a leader calls everyone across an organization 'a friend' as a way of bridging the divide, as a way of trying to be everything to everyone, can you assume they have your back at all? No. Can you assume they think of you in any real sense? Not at all.
Different levels of Sacrifice
There is also a risk that comes when teams refer to themselves as 'family'. While it may be true that you spend more hours in a day with your co-workers than you do your own family, the two are not interchangeable. Your colleagues and your company are not your family.
Family is there for each other no matter what. With family there is no weighing of bottom lines, profit margins or the like when it comes to whether you will be there or not. There are sacrifices you will and should make for family, putting their needs first, making sure they will thrive.
You and your colleagues may work as a team – hopefully. You may work together to ensure you all succeed, that you achieve your goals but that is all. Your colleagues will not sacrifice for you the way family would, nor should they, nor should you for them.
When it comes to ensuring its success, your company will not put your needs first. Calling you all family is asking you to give way more than it will give to you. It is asking you to commit beyond what any organization will for any individual.
Words matter. Mangers, think before you speak. Employees, consider whether what is being said aligns with action, with commitment, and decide what makes sense.
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