There are many people who believe they have to be one person at home and another at work. This doesn't mean that they are mild-mannered at home and at work firm or strict. Instead they may be genuine at home. They have good days and bad, they may smile, or they may not. At work it is like they are putting on an act, pretending to be someone they are not. It's like putting on a face or persona that is very different from who they really are.
Work Me vs Home Me
There is someone I know who is very shy and quite quiet in her personal life. She is not the person to take over a conversation, be hyper energetic or front of stage. In a role she had at work, the latter was exactly who she felt she had to be in order to get the job done, engage her staff, keep everyone around her up so they could do what needed to be done. She described it as ‘putting on her work face’. Was it exhausting? Absolutely. Did she do her job better because of the role she played? Doubtful.
Too Polished to be Trusted through the persona
Whether they are celebrities, or political or corporate figures, the people we gravitate to, respect and admire, are not the people free from flaws that they seem real. The people we really look up to are those who are vulnerable, who let us see their human sides.
Think of your own experience. Do you remember the leader that was always perfect, always spouting corporate jargon, or do you remember the one who had a personal conversation with you, who shared something relatable, perhaps even a flaw?
There is something about the person who is always smiling, always happy, never truly open that begs so many questions. What are they hiding? How can I be myself with someone who clearly is not themselves with me?
I do know people who are positive and encouraging and happy 95% of the time. But I also know those people are real because they have moments of frustration, of sadness. They have moments of not feeling themselves, or of needing quiet.
Permission to be Yourself
For corporate culture to be true, for psychological safety to be embraced, people have to know they can show up as whoever they are on any given day. Leaders who model perfection, who dictate how people behave, engage or relate set a stage for others to think they cannot be themselves. That is not only exhausting for those involved but it creates a culture of cookie cutters and of people who cannot innovate because they are trapped by who the company has dictated they be.
Leaders have to be real, to be themselves, so those around them know they can be as well. I am not suggesting opening up and sharing every detail of your personal lives. What I am suggesting is letting something of your own personality shine through.
I once spoke with a company CEO who said at some point during an interview with a potential candidate he would always deliberately drop a mild profanity. It was never anything off color or extreme but he wanted to see the reaction of the person he was speaking with. It wasn’t about judging that reaction necessarily but he did want his team made up of people who could be accepting of who others were. He wanted to let them know they could be themselves, that they were welcome to bring their true selves to the office and that he would to. It may seem a little out of the box, but that leader was giving his people permission, right from the start, to be who they were.
Your Action
Look around the office. Do you see unique individuals or do you see people who are acting the way they believe they are supposed to ask? What can you do, as a leader or not, to show up as yourself so others can as well?
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